It’s time to move on to the second prompt of this project – and this time, let’s talk relationships.
I first heard this question at a party with a mixed group of friends, and I loved it right away. I loved that it made me think, made me choose my words carefully, and really got me considering what my most basic, bottom line needs are in my relationships. I also loved hearing how everyone else answered!
When you think about the relationships we keep, almost universally, there are some that fill us up, and others that drain us. To feel full, I’ve found there has to be a balance of giving and receiving between partners. Not the tit-for-tat-and-keeping-score kind of balance, but the kind where both partners are fundamentally getting what they need, not giving more than they have. When that happens, my emotional reserves are full and I’m suddenly able to give more freely and cheerfully… and that’s a feeling I love.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the relationships in my own life in recent years, it’s this: the first step to getting what you need is knowing what you need.
Questions like the one we’re about to address me realize that the more we know about ourselves and the sooner we take the time to learn it, the better we can be at making choices that truly reflect our values and fill us up.
So once again, find some time for you. Some time to relax, give yourself the gift of some time and attention. Cozy up somewhere and do something that feels a little indulgent – a morning latte? An evening glass of wine? Sitting down at your clean and lovely workspace for some pause and reflection? Piling up in bed with your notebook? Whatever feels right for you, begin brainstorming words, thoughts, and phrases that may help you answer the question:
What are three to five of your non-negotiable needs in a relationship?
Do you have strong knee jerk reactions in response to this questions? Are you struggling to think of words that resonate? I’d love to hear your response to this question. (Personally, the pressure of committing to just a few words felt really overwhelming!)
Remember – in this stage, no self editing. Just jot it all down! We’ll come back and clean it up a bit later.